Delhi Ki Kahani

Ek din, main Delhi pahuncha, station pe ek coolie se bahar jane ka rasta pooncha, coolie ne kaha bahar jaake poocho. Maine khud hi rasta doondh liya, bahar jaake taxiwale se poocha, “bhai saab Agre ka kitna loge?” Jawab mila, “bechna nahi hai..” Taxi chhod, maine bus pakad li, conductor se poocha, “ji.. Kya mein cigarette pi sakta hoon?” Wo gurrra kar bola, “hargiz nahi, yaha cigarette pina mana hai” maine kaha, “par wo janab to pi rahe hai!”
Phir se gurrrraya, “usne mujhse poocha nahi hai” Agra pahuncha, hotel gaya. Manager se kaha, “mujhe room chahiye, satve manzil pe” manager ne kaha, “rahne ke liye ya koodne ke liye?” Room pahuncha, waiter se kaha, “ek paani ka gilas milega.”
Usne jawab diya, “nahi sahab, yahan to saare kanch ke milte hai.” Hotel se nikla dost ke ghar jaane ke liye, raste me ek sahab se pooncha, “janab, ye sadak kahan ko jaati hai?” Janab hans kar bole, “peechle bees saal se dekh rahan hoon, yahin padi hai….”
Dost ke ghar pahucha, to mujhe dekhte hi chownk pada usne poocha, “Delhi kaise aana hua?” Ab tak to mujhe bhi aadat pad gayi thi, to maine bhi jawab diya,”train se..” Meri aaobhagat karne ke liye dost ne apni biwi se kaha,”areeee sunti ho… mera dost pehli baar ghar aaya hai, usse kuch taza taza khilao..” Sunte hi bhabhiji ne ghar ki sari khidkiya aur darwaje khol diye. Kaha, “tazi hawa kha lijiye.” Dost ne phir se badi pyar se biwi se kaha, “areeee sunti ho…inhe zara apna chalis saal purana aachar to dikhana.” Bhabiji ek batli me rakha aachar le aayi, maine bhi apnapan dikhate hue bhabiji se kaha, “bhabhiji, aachar sirf dikhayengi, chakhayengi nahi….?” Bhabiji ne taak jawab diya, “yuhi agar sab ko chakhati to aachar chalis saal purana kaise hota..?” Thodi der baad dekha, bhabiji apne pote ko soola rahi thi, saath me lori bhi ga rahi thi, “diploma so ja, diploma so ja.” Lori sunkar main hairan hua aur dost se poocha, “yaar ye diploma kya hai?” Dost ne jawab diya, “mere pote ka naam, beti mumbai gayi thi, diploma lene ke liye aur saath mein isse le aayi, isiliye hamne iska naam diploma rakh diya.” Phir maine pooncha, “aajkal tumhari beti kya kar rahi hai?” Dost ne jawab diya, “mumbai gayi hai, degree lene ke liye….”

Rabri Devi In Hell

Rabri Devi died and went to hell (as expected…)… As she stood in front of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind.She asked, “What are all those clocks?” Yamraj answered, “Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.” “Oh,” said Rabri, “Who’s clock is that?” Yamraj answered, “That’s Gautam Buddha’s. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie.” “And whose clock is that?” “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entirelife.” Rabri asked, “Where’s my Laloo’s clock?” “Laloo”s clock is in my office”, replied yamraj, “I’m using it as ceiling fan”.

Bihar Driving License

DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM
—————————————— ————
NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter.
He will give you the licen.
For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.

1. Last name:

(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dot no

(Check karet box)

2. First name:

(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dot no

(Check karet box)

3. Age:

(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dot no

(Check karet box)

4. Sex: ____ M _____ P(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable

5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right

6.Occupason:

(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed

(Check karet box)

7. Number of children libing in the household: ___

8. Number that are yours: ___

9. Mather name: _______________________

10. Phather Name: ____________________ (If not no,leave blank)

11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

12. Dental rekard:

(_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other -__________ Give egjhakt color

(Check karet box)

13.Your thumb imparesson :
____________________________

(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy thumb impression also. Please
provide your own thumb impression.)

PELEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS

Use thumb on y our lepht hand only. If you dont have le pht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.

NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE.

WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS

Sholay Twist

Gabber: Kitne Aadmi they.

Sambha: Sardar Do,

Gabber: Mujhe ginti nahi aati. Do kitne hotey hain?

Sambha: Sardar Do Ek ke baad aata hai.

Gabber: Aur Do ke pehle?

Sambha: Do ke pehle Ek aata hai.

Gabber: To beech mein kaun aata hai?

Sambha: Beech mein koi nahi aata.

Gabber: To fir Dono ek saath kyon nahi atey?

Sambha: Do Ek ke baad hi aa sakta hai, kyonki Do ek se bada hai.

Gabber: Do ek se bada hai? Kitna bada hai?

Sambha: Do ek se Ek bada hai?

Gabber: Agar Do ek se ek bada hai to ek ek se kitna bada hai?

Sambha: Sardar, Maine tumhara namak khaya hai, mujhe goli mar do.

Santa Singh Knows Everybody

Santa was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called him bluff, "OK, Santa how about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

So Santa and boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Santa! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, Santa's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Santa that he thinks his knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Santa says.

"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.

"Yes, I know him, let's fly out to Washington."

And off they go. At the White House, George W. spots Santa on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Santa, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Santa, who again implores him to name anyone else.

"The Pope," his boss replies.

"Sure!" says Santa. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."

So off they fly to Rome. Santa and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Santa says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And Santa disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Santa emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

By the time Santa returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to his boss' side, Santa asks, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Santa Singh?"

Desi English

I talk, he talk; Why do you beech beech talk?

Open the windows and let the atmosphere come in"!

"Why are you naat filupping the blanks ?"

"Hey, u guys, please keep quiet. The president is rotating outside"

"Do not smoke and spoil the botany of ur body"

Prof to students hanging around the corridors during exams :

"Do not revolve in the corridors in front of the examinations"
"Don't talk like that in front of my back"

"Dont stand in front of my back"

"Repeat again please!"

"Mistake became wrong!"

"Did you cut the tickets for the film, yet? "

"Please, close the fan! "

Galatfehmi ka shikar hona:: to be hunted down by misunderstanding.

Izzat ko mitti me milana:: To mix one's honor in mud

Meri izzat ki naak cut gayee:: My honors' nose has been chopped off

Kiske saath moonh kaala kiya? :: Who have you blackened your face with?

Naak mein dum karna:: to strengthen the nostrils

"It's so hot! Please on the fan no. "

A gardener scolding three kids : "Both of u three, don't under-stand the tree"!!

"You three, both of you kneel down together separately"

"There is no wind in the ball (deflated football)"

"Run with the fence" (alongside)

"Look at the line on your back" (falling in line)

"Apply Apply, No reply" (common one)

"Why aren't you kneel downing?"

"Who took out the breeze of my cycle?"

"Meet me behind the class" (meant after the class)

Funny Questions & Answers

Question : You are in a boat in the middle of a river. You have 2
Cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don't have anything
else with you in the boat? How will you do it?







Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat will
become LIGHTER........using this LIGHTER you can light the other
Cigarette
another deadly answer. Scroll down a little











Anoth! er solution: You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches win
Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette
If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... scroll down.










Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop...(TIP - TIP)

"TIP TIP barsa Pani.

Pani ne aag lagayee."

us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee".
If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... scroll down











Start praising one cigarette, The other will get jealous & "jalney
lagega"