Banta Singh plans for an abroad holiday and he plans to go to Thailand because he heard about the beaches and ladies in biknis there so just to get the feast of his life the only problem with Banta was that he was not very much into english but still he leaves for Thailand.
After reaching there... as expected he chose to enjoy sun on the beach so took a place on the sand and was lying there... few minutes later an English couple passed through the guy asked.. "Hello Mr. How are you.. are you Relaxing..??"
Banta replied, "I am not Relak Sing I am Banta Singh"
Making a puzzled face the english couple pass through... then comes along an american guy...
He asks Banta "Hey Turban Dude, howz you doing..?? You Relaxing..??"
Banta replies "No I am not Relak Singh I am Banta Singh"
Then comes an spanish Girl.. and asks the same question to Banta Singh... By now he getting really irritated... but being a lady and showing his Gesture he politely replies..
"I am not Relak Sing I am Banta Sing... Banta from Bhattinda.."
Getting furious he gets up and walks off to leave the beach while he sees Santa Singh lying on the Beach enjoyin sun and Sand... Banta walks up to him and asks.. "Are you Relak Singh..??"
Santa replies.. "Yes I am relaxing"
Banta gives him a real tight Slap and says... "Abey tu yahan pada hua hai... tujhey sab wahan dhoond rahey hain.."
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Any Answers???
Q. If practice makes perfect and nobody's perfect, then why practice?
Q. If you died with braces on your teeth, would they take them off?
Q. If love is blind, then why do we believe at first sight?
Q. Don't you find it worrying that doctor calls treating you their
"practice"?
Q. If you try to fall and succeed, what do you just do?
Q. If a book about failures does not sell, is it a success?
Q. Could someone ever get addicted to counseling and if so how do you
help them?
Q. If a chronic liar tells you he is chronic liar, do you believe him?
Q. Why do the egg not taste like a chicken itself?
Q. What is the opposite of opposite?
Q. Why do you get in a bus and get into a car?
Q. Why do mattresses have designs on them when they are always covered
with sheets?
Q. How do you know which armrest is yours in the movie theatres?
Q. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hours?
Q. What is the male ladybug called?
Q. Why do we wash towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Q. If you stole a pen from a bank then would it still be consider a
bank robbery?
Q. Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
Q. If you tell someone they are being judgmental, aren't you being
judgmental yourself?
Q. If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through
time, wouldn't we now be seeing people from the future?
Q. Did Adam and Eve have navels?
Q. Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
Q. You know that little indestructible black box that is used on
planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Q. If you decide that you are indecisive, which one you are?
Q. Why do caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
Q. If its zero degree outside today and its supposed to be twice as
cold tomorrow, how could is it going to be? (Since 2 times 0 =0)
Q. What do you say when someone says you're in denial, but you're not?
Q. If you're born at exactly midnight, is your birthday on both those
days?
Q. Isn't its scary that the word "therapist" is the same as the word
"the rapist" put together?
Q. Why do they call it your "bottom" when it's really in the middle of
your body?
Q. What happen if you get scared half to death twice?
Q. Why is it called a "building" when it is already build?
Q. On a mobile phone, why does A.B.C. start from on the number 2 and
not 1?
Q. Why do we say "bye bye" but don't "hi hi"?
Q. If you died with braces on your teeth, would they take them off?
Q. If love is blind, then why do we believe at first sight?
Q. Don't you find it worrying that doctor calls treating you their
"practice"?
Q. If you try to fall and succeed, what do you just do?
Q. If a book about failures does not sell, is it a success?
Q. Could someone ever get addicted to counseling and if so how do you
help them?
Q. If a chronic liar tells you he is chronic liar, do you believe him?
Q. Why do the egg not taste like a chicken itself?
Q. What is the opposite of opposite?
Q. Why do you get in a bus and get into a car?
Q. Why do mattresses have designs on them when they are always covered
with sheets?
Q. How do you know which armrest is yours in the movie theatres?
Q. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hours?
Q. What is the male ladybug called?
Q. Why do we wash towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Q. If you stole a pen from a bank then would it still be consider a
bank robbery?
Q. Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
Q. If you tell someone they are being judgmental, aren't you being
judgmental yourself?
Q. If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through
time, wouldn't we now be seeing people from the future?
Q. Did Adam and Eve have navels?
Q. Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
Q. You know that little indestructible black box that is used on
planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Q. If you decide that you are indecisive, which one you are?
Q. Why do caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
Q. If its zero degree outside today and its supposed to be twice as
cold tomorrow, how could is it going to be? (Since 2 times 0 =0)
Q. What do you say when someone says you're in denial, but you're not?
Q. If you're born at exactly midnight, is your birthday on both those
days?
Q. Isn't its scary that the word "therapist" is the same as the word
"the rapist" put together?
Q. Why do they call it your "bottom" when it's really in the middle of
your body?
Q. What happen if you get scared half to death twice?
Q. Why is it called a "building" when it is already build?
Q. On a mobile phone, why does A.B.C. start from on the number 2 and
not 1?
Q. Why do we say "bye bye" but don't "hi hi"?
Wife 1.0
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of new space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I cannot seem to keep wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not work on this program.
Can you please help me !!!
Thanks,
A TROUBLED USER
------------------------------------------------------------
Dear TROUBLED USER,
This is a very common problem men complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by it's creator to run everything.
It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.
Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings- Alimony/Child support". I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and deal with the situation.
I suggest installing background application program C:YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of C:YES DEAR because ultimately you may have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high-maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 3.1 and Diamonds 2K. Do not, under any circumstances install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of Luck,
Tech Support
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of new space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I cannot seem to keep wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not work on this program.
Can you please help me !!!
Thanks,
A TROUBLED USER
------------------------------------------------------------
Dear TROUBLED USER,
This is a very common problem men complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by it's creator to run everything.
It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.
Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings- Alimony/Child support". I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and deal with the situation.
I suggest installing background application program C:YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of C:YES DEAR because ultimately you may have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high-maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 3.1 and Diamonds 2K. Do not, under any circumstances install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of Luck,
Tech Support
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Aishwariya's Kiss
Bush, Manmohan, Aishwarya rai and Sonia are travelling in a train. The
train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there
is a kissing sound and then a slap!
The train comes out of the tunnel.
The womens and Manmohan are sitting there looking perplexed. Bush is bent
over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap.
All of them
remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.
Sonia is thinking: These
Americans are all crazy after Aishwarya. Bush must have tried to kiss her in
the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.
Aishwarya is
thinking: Bush must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia instead and got slapped.
Bush is thinking: Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss
Aishwarya. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.
Manmohan is thinking: if
this train goes through another tunnel I will make another kissing sound
and slap Bush again....
train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there
is a kissing sound and then a slap!
The train comes out of the tunnel.
The womens and Manmohan are sitting there looking perplexed. Bush is bent
over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap.
All of them
remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.
Sonia is thinking: These
Americans are all crazy after Aishwarya. Bush must have tried to kiss her in
the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.
Aishwarya is
thinking: Bush must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia instead and got slapped.
Bush is thinking: Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss
Aishwarya. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.
Manmohan is thinking: if
this train goes through another tunnel I will make another kissing sound
and slap Bush again....
Men and Women
Men:
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one Around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their Luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off If the women leaves them.
7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their
Mistakes and still try their luck with others.
Women:
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive Clothes.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something To wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress Beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still Expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't Believe you .
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one Around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their Luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off If the women leaves them.
7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their
Mistakes and still try their luck with others.
Women:
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive Clothes.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something To wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress Beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still Expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't Believe you .
Young and Old Man
On a train stop....
Young Man: Sir, may I know the time, please?
Old Man: Certainly not.
Young Man: Sir, but why? What are you going to loose,if you tell me the time?
Old Man: Yes, I may loose something if I tell you the time.
Young Man: But Sir, can you tell me how?
Old Man : See, if I tell you the time you will
Definitely thank me and may be tomorrow again you will ask me the time.
Young Man: Quite possible.
Old Man: May be we meet two three times more and you will ask my name and address.
Young Man: Quite possible.
Old Man: One day you may come to my house saying you were just passing by and came into wish me.
Then as a courtsey, I will offer you a cup of tea.
After my courteous approach you will try to come again.This time you will appreciate tea and ask who has made it.?
Young Man: Possible
Old Man: made itThen I will tell you that my daughter has and I will then have to introduce my young and pretty daughter to you &; you will admire my daughter.
Young Man: Smiles. ;)
Old Man: Now onwards you will try to meet my daughter again and again. You will offer her to go out for a movie together and a date with you.
Young Man: Smiles
Old Man: My daughter may start liking you and start waiting for you. After meeting regularly you will fall in love with her and propose her for marriage.
Young Man: Smiles
Old Man: One day both of you will come to me and tell me about your love and ask for my permission.
Young Man: Oh Yes! And smiles
Old Man: (Angrily) Young man, I will never marry my daughter to a person like you who does not even own a watch.
Young Man: Sir, may I know the time, please?
Old Man: Certainly not.
Young Man: Sir, but why? What are you going to loose,if you tell me the time?
Old Man: Yes, I may loose something if I tell you the time.
Young Man: But Sir, can you tell me how?
Old Man : See, if I tell you the time you will
Definitely thank me and may be tomorrow again you will ask me the time.
Young Man: Quite possible.
Old Man: May be we meet two three times more and you will ask my name and address.
Young Man: Quite possible.
Old Man: One day you may come to my house saying you were just passing by and came into wish me.
Then as a courtsey, I will offer you a cup of tea.
After my courteous approach you will try to come again.This time you will appreciate tea and ask who has made it.?
Young Man: Possible
Old Man: made itThen I will tell you that my daughter has and I will then have to introduce my young and pretty daughter to you &; you will admire my daughter.
Young Man: Smiles. ;)
Old Man: Now onwards you will try to meet my daughter again and again. You will offer her to go out for a movie together and a date with you.
Young Man: Smiles
Old Man: My daughter may start liking you and start waiting for you. After meeting regularly you will fall in love with her and propose her for marriage.
Young Man: Smiles
Old Man: One day both of you will come to me and tell me about your love and ask for my permission.
Young Man: Oh Yes! And smiles
Old Man: (Angrily) Young man, I will never marry my daughter to a person like you who does not even own a watch.
Hilarious Matrimonials by Professionals
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article.One
of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is now looking for a
wife.
BANKER
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.
IT CONSULTANT
Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my
current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the
injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency.
Compatibility could be an issue.
ACCOUNTANT
Required a girl - 5'8' 36' 24' 36' with a good head for figures. She must
be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature should be
one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible.
MATHEMATICIAN
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and
understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family
unit.
FISHERMAN
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must
have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motorboat.
CAR DEALER
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in excellent
working condition.
PILOT
Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed applicants. She
must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the
ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must
also be aerodynamically sound!!!
BEGGAR
Allah kay naam peh koi eik biwi dey dey, Doosrey kee nahi to upni hee dey
dey, Allah terah bhallah kurrey, Tujhey eik key badley doh dey dey, Hillary
hogi toh Monika bhi dey dey!
DOCTOR
I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However if you
feel the need for a second opinion then it's fine by me.
ARMY COMMANDO
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful
applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares
wins. Camouflage provided.
ASTRONAUT
I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to share my
universe. Must have looks that are out of this world!
of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is now looking for a
wife.
BANKER
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.
IT CONSULTANT
Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my
current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the
injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency.
Compatibility could be an issue.
ACCOUNTANT
Required a girl - 5'8' 36' 24' 36' with a good head for figures. She must
be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature should be
one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible.
MATHEMATICIAN
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and
understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family
unit.
FISHERMAN
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must
have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motorboat.
CAR DEALER
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in excellent
working condition.
PILOT
Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed applicants. She
must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the
ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must
also be aerodynamically sound!!!
BEGGAR
Allah kay naam peh koi eik biwi dey dey, Doosrey kee nahi to upni hee dey
dey, Allah terah bhallah kurrey, Tujhey eik key badley doh dey dey, Hillary
hogi toh Monika bhi dey dey!
DOCTOR
I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However if you
feel the need for a second opinion then it's fine by me.
ARMY COMMANDO
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful
applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares
wins. Camouflage provided.
ASTRONAUT
I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to share my
universe. Must have looks that are out of this world!
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